Bringing Up Bebe, or Things I Wished I'd Known When I Was a New Parent

Last night I got to work with K. She's been on maternity leave and since her return to work, our schedules hadn't coincided. Her husband brought the baby in, so I got to see her three and a half month old beautiful baby girl. I asked if she's sleeping through the night. "Not yet. She just wakes up once in the night to eat."

I told her that she should check out this book, BRINGING UP BEBE. Not that I thought she was doing anything wrong, not at all. It's just that I'd read this book recently and really wished I'd had it when I was a new parent.

Pamela Druckerman wrote BRINGING UP BEBE because as an American, an American living in Paris with her husband, and a participant in daily life in France, she observed that children behave differently in France than they do in the U.S. They tend to behave better. She set out to find out why.

Raising her own daughter gave her a chance to examine her own parenting tendencies and observe how the French do things differently.

        

None of it is rocket science and so much of it makes SENSE.

My first child didn't sleep through the night until he was seven months old. As soon as he would make a peep, either rustling a little in his sleep, or whimpering because he lost his pacifier, I'd rush into his room and try to soothe him back to sleep.

Even before I read this book I realized that that was a mistake. The book just confirmed it and gave valid reasons as to why it was a mistake. rah.

Druckerman describes how the French help their children learn how to sleep through the night. Instead of, like I did and Druckerman did, running into the baby's room every time the infant stirs, the French wait. They pause. They listen to see if the baby really is in need of attention, or if she is just moving around in her sleep cycle and will settle back into a deeper sleep. This waiting, this pause, allows the child to figure out his/her own sleeping abilities and rhythms. Parents running in there at the first sound actually disrupts the children's sleep cycle and inhibits their ability to learn how to get back to sleep on their own. Allowing the baby to settle back into a deeper sleep allows them to "have their nights", as the French put it.

Another thing French parents do is that they expect their children, even little children, to wait. They do not allow their child to demand the parent's attention. They don't give in to whining. If a child, even a very young child, interrupts the parent (on the phone, or in conversation with another person), the parent tells the child firmly and kindly that they need to wait. The parent will be with them in a few minutes. And said parent does not give attention to the child until the few minutes are up.

By giving children an opportunity to wait, for their mother's attention, for food to be prepared, for getting an answer to a question, they are teaching the children how to deal with not knowing. Or not having what they want the moment the idea of it enters their brain. Can you say "delayed gratification"?

I did this a little better than the whole sleeping thing. When my kids would ask a question and want an answer RIGHT NOW, ("Can I sleep over at so-and-so's house this week-end?" "Can I go see a movie with so-and-so tomorrow night?"), I'd say that I have to think about it. If they needed an answer right then, the answer was no. I told them I'd give them an answer after dinner, and the answer might be yes. I did not like feeling pressured to have to answer right that second. And they did learn to wait. (I learned that from my own frustration, not from the French!)

Helping infants "have their nights" and learn how to wait are just a few of the things Druckerman talked about that I wish I'd read and known when I was raising children.

I really liked how Druckerman approached parenting; she was so willing to learn. She did her homework (as my dad would have said), finding out where the French got their ideas and how they've incorporated them into family life in France.

That new parent in your life (even if it's you!) might really appreciate this book! I know I would have.

Clicking on the underlined book title might take to you Barnes and Noble's web page for the book (it's been glitchy). Clicking on the book cover will take you to Amazon's page for the book. Purchasing through either of these links helps support the blog. You can send us email: 2of3Rs(AT)gmail(DOT)com. Thanks for stopping by!

Please, Keep Reading!

When I taught third grade, one of my goals every year was to get my kids to read more. To this end, I scheduled 20 minutes every day for the class to read. I had a classroom library where kids could find a good book to read. As homework, I also required that they read for one hour over the week-end. The parents loved this. Some of the kids loved this.

Some kids did not love this. They weren't big readers, so sitting for 20 whole minutes with nothing to do but read was torture. They'd squirm. They'd fidget. There was sighing. There was eye rolling. I told them they had to find something to read, something they'd enjoy reading. They could get a book from the classroom library, they could read a comic book or a magazine. But they had to be reading for those 20 minutes.

I had the philosophy that getting kids to read anything, even if it wouldn't be my first choice of reading material for them, was a good thing. They could get into the practice of reading and later we could work on the quality of their reading material.

As the year progressed, even these reluctant readers would settle in and read. They even started liking it.

When Harry Potter came out, even though I was no longer teaching, I was thrilled. This series got kids reading, and reading a lot. Talking about the books and the characters. But mostly it got kids wanting to read more. Rowling did an excellent job in creating a magical world, and kids devoured it.

And then there was Twilight. Yes, people (often young girls) were reading, and reading and rereading these books, so I should have been happy, right? Kids were reading.

But Bella is such a poor protagonist. She broods. She pines. She puts her life on hold to wait for Edward. "I love him. I know he's dangerous and loving him could hurt me, but I love him." bleah.

And now there is the 50 Shades of Grey craze. People are reading. Lots of people are reading.

People come into the bookstore for the first time ever (they tell us this) looking for this book. People for whom this will be the first book they've purchased (they tell us this too) and the only book they purchase - unless, of course, they buy the rest of the series.

Is this a good thing?

Here again, people are reading. So many people are reading this series. This poorly written, unhealthy portrayal of women and relationships is taking the country by storm. (see this article for a great explanation of why I do not like this series: http://screencrush.com/50-shades-of-grey-movie/)

What bothers me is that so many of the people reading 50 Shades of Grey are not readers. And they are adults. This is their only idea of a literary romance. This is their idea of a good book.

My previous philosophy would hope that people might get started reading, even if they are reading books I think are rather less than good quality.

I really hope that people reading 50 Shades of Grey keep reading. I sincerely hope that this series is not their only vision of a literary relationship.

I hope that they get other ideas of what a relationship is. How about David Levithan's LOVER'S DICTIONARY? Or John Green's THE FAULT IN OUR STARS? Or THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE by Audrey Niffenegger? Or WUTHERING HEIGHTS? Or LOVE STORY by Erich Segal? Or STARDUST by Neil Gaiman? Or even, though his books are pretty sweet for me, Nicholas Sparks?

What other literary romances do you hope that people read?

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Update: Not the New York Times Book Group Either

On July 13, I posted an entry about a new idea for a book group (see the link at the bottom of this post to read the original entry).

Several of you have responded, which makes me think that it is worth trying out this different book group idea!

One person suggested having the group share the books via email, as scheduling a specific time for everyone to meet via chat might be difficult.

I am open to perhaps having two groups, one that meets via chat and another by email (depending, of course, on interest!).

I'd like to hear from you about which you'd prefer..."meeting" and sharing books via email? Or finding a specific time to chat online as a group?

If you are seeing this for the first time, it's not too late to join!

Let me know if you'd prefer email or chat and we'll go from there...I look forward to hearing from you!
You can send email to: 2of3Rs(AT)gmail(DOT)com.


http://notthenewyorktimesbookreview.blogspot.com/2012/07/not-new-york-times-book-group-either.html

"I Need Some How-to Books..."

A young man, maybe 20 years old, very tan, short dark hair, wearing a blue t-shirt and darker blue cargo shorts came to the Information Desk.

"Can you tell me where the 'how-to' books are?", he asked.

"Well, they are all spread out by subject area," I told him. "The books about how to fish are in the sports section, the books about how to fix things in your home are in the home reference section...What is it you want to know how to do?"

"I just want to know how to do stuff," he replied. "So I want books that tell me how to do things. I need some how-to books."

"You want books that tell you...how to do anything?", I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Well, we have a lot in the home improvement section, which is over here. We also have some in the science section, how to do math and that kind of thing."

"Can you show me those sections?," he asked.

"Sure, right over here." I took him to the home improvement section and showed him the books about how to fix things and how to build things. Then I took him to the science section and showed him the math books. "Right on the other side of this bay there are also books about how to learn languages", I told him, still not quite sure what it was he was looking for.

"Okay, thanks," he said. "I already found this one," and he showed me a bargain book called "HOW TO READ BODY LANGUAGE."

"Okay, great," I said.

"Well, that was random," I said to a co-worker back at the Information Desk. I told him about the customer's quest to find how-to books.

"Is it that young man over there?" he asked, gesturing to the man I'd been helping.

"Yes," I said.

"Well, he is with someone who is going to have a baby. They were just in the Family and Childcare section looking at baby names. At first I thought they were in the Sexuality section because they were giggling and I couldn't see exactly where they were, but they were actually looking at baby name books. I think he's going to be a dad. And I think he's realizing he has to grow up and figure stuff out, so that's what he's trying to do by trying to find how-to books."

Awwwwww.

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