Trying to Help...and Not Succeeding

A boy came to the Information Desk. He looked about 12 years old. He had dark hair, was wearing a baseball cap, blue shirt and darker blue shorts. He had a book in his hand.

"Can I help you?", I asked.

"Do you have any other books like this one? Not this one, but like this one?", he asked.

"So you'd like a book in the same series?", I asked.

He nodded, but didn't make eye contact. I looked at the book, it was a children's graphic novel about Star Wars. On the cover were drawings of Yoda, a Sith-type character and a soldier type character.

     

I searched the exact title - "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" to try and get that series. Unfortunately, there are so many different Star Wars series, for all different age levels, with different authors, that it's hard to find the exact series right away. I couldn't find any others in that exact series. I found some that were similar. I showed the boy the computer screen with pictures of covers.

"Is it this one?", I asked.

"No," he said.

"How about this one?", I asked.

He shook his head.

"I can show you where they would be, want me to show you?", I asked.

He nodded his head. I took him to the children's Star Wars section where they would be if we had any others, which we did not. I also showed him the non-children's graphic novel section where we also did not have any other books in that series. I left him and his dad there to look.

About five minutes later, the boy came back up to the Information Desk. His mother was standing behind him. "Do you have any other books like this?", he asked, showing me the same book.

"We don't have any others in the store, I can try and look them up and see if we can order any. Would you like me to do that?" I started searching on the computer to see if I could find any others in the same series. I found a few that looked to be in the same series.

He didn't answer right away. "Do you have any books just like this?", he asked again.

"We don't have any here, today," I said. "We might be able to order some others in that series." I turned the screen toward him. "Is this one you are looking for?", I asked.

He shook his head. "Do you have any more like this?" he asked, showing me the book in his hand.

"We don't have any in the store," I said. "We could order some others if you'd like to do that." I was trying to figure out how to explain it to him better. I wasn't coming up with any brilliant ideas.

"Do you have any like this?", he asked again.

"No. We don't," I said. He walked away.

About 20 minutes later the mom came up to the Information Desk without her son. "I need to tell you, he was using his best skills to talk to you. You were a little short with him. He was using the best skills he had."

"I apologize if I was short. I was trying to tell him that the books he wanted were hard to find and that we didn't have them. I apologize."

"He has Asperger's. I just want you to know that he was using his best skills."

"Okay, I can appreciate that, and again, I'm sorry if I was short with him. I didn't mean to be." She walked away.

I told J. about the interaction. "What?", she said. "You. You of all people in the store treat kids with the most respect and you interact with them so well. You take the time to talk to them. I can't even believe that she told you that."

I appreciated J's validation. I do try to interact with kids and as a former teacher and a parent, I think I (usually) do a good job. I did feel frustration in trying to help this child. I know that his mom was trying to let him ask for what he needed, which is a good skill for any child. I just wondered whether it might have been appropriate for her to step in and help him understand that we couldn't find the book he wanted.

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Not Sure A Book Is Enough

In my last post, I talked about no longer working in social service. While I don't spend months working with clients any more, at the bookstore we do get asked for help with intense, social service-y situations. This happened yesterday...

I walked up to the Information Desk with some books to be reshelved. "Oh, you would know," S. said, looking up at me from the computer where she was doing a search. "What's up?", I asked.

"There's this woman who is looking for a book to help her. Her teenage daughter is suicidal, has anxiety, is depressed..." she trailed off.

"The daughter is suicidal? And she's looking for a book?" I asked. "Shouldn't she call a crisis line or something?"

J., also standing at Info and S. both nodded. "Um, yeah," J. said. "But she wants a book."

"Okay," I said. "Is she in the section? I'll go see if I can help." As I turn in the psychology aisle, I see a woman with dark hair, a hot pink v-neck shirt with a lime green gauze-y jacket. She has a wire and black bead necklace and heavy eyeliner. She is on the phone.

"Do you need some help?", I ask quietly, looking right at her. She nods. "Can I call you back? I'm in the bookstore and someone is here to help me," she said, ending her call.

"I do need help," she said, looking at me.

"It's about your daughter?", I said, not wanting to launch into a discussion of depression and suicide if she wasn't the right customer.

"Yes," she said. "She's got a lot of anxiety and depression and she's suicidal." She dove right in. "I had to take all the pills out of my house. She has a suicide plan. She doesn't want to go to her dad's house, which is where I think the problem really is."

I've listened to Therapist talk about enough calls from her mental health crisis line job to know that if someone has a suicide plan, then it's serious.

"I'm wondering if you shouldn't call a crisis line or something, if she has a suicide plan..."

She interrupts me, "Oh we already have an appointment to see a counselor, and her doctor knows about it. I know that if she starts doing something crazy, then I take her to the hospital. She has a lot of anxiety and she is depressed. Either she's crying or she's furious or she's sleeping."

"Which can be signs of anxiety or depression," I said.

"Exactly. Her anxiety level has gone down some since we've made the appointments and she's seen her doctor. She was a victim of a sexual crime, and she has PTSD. We don't know what else she has, like if she has any kind of disorder."

"What is it you're looking for, exactly? Is it a book to help you understand what she's going through? Or a book to help her understand?"

"My doctor said to come to the bookstore and ask the people there what books are good about depression or anxiety or suicide."

I gave her a few anxiety workbooks and showed her two books on depression with similar titles, What to do When Someone You Love is Depressed. I handed her a book on suicide. I showed her COPING WITH ANXIETY. With her arms full of books, she said she had to choose. She decided to buy the book about suicide.

I'm not sure a book was enough help for her...but that's what she wanted. I hope her daughter is all right.


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Middle Eastern CD's, Donald Miller, and...Genies?

A man called on the phone. He asked for Don Miller's first book, Born Again Rebel. I told him I wasn't familiar with that title by Don Miller, though it does sounds like it could be one of his. As far as I knew, Blue Like Jazz was his first book. (One never knows, though, sometimes there are lesser known books by authors.) On the computer, I could find Blue Like Jazz, Searching for God Knows What, Father Fiction, Through Painted Deserts, and his newest, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing my Life. We have three ways to search, our in store system, our online store and the internet. I couldn't find any book, anywhere, by Don Miller with the title Born Again Rebel.

"No Born Again Rebel? Are you sure?," the caller asked.

"I'm not finding it, and it's one I haven't heard of," I said.

The phone was quiet for a minute. "Waaaait a minute," the caller said slowly. "I think Born Again Rebel was the name of the article I read about him, not the name of his book. What are the titles of his books again?" I told him. He thanked me. I was glad he figured it out.

**********************

A woman called...
"I'm looking for a CD I just heard on NPR by someone who is Lebanese. It's Farar and Obyroot (I had no idea how to spell either one).

"We don't carry CD's in this store, I can look it up and see if we could order it...what's the name of the artist?"

"Oh would you? I really liked it. The name is Farar. She's Lebanese."

I search CD's for Farar. Come up with nothing. "How do you spell that? And what was that other name, was it the title of the CD?"

"F-A-R-A-R," she says. "Obyroot. I think it was the title. I don't know how to spell that. I really liked it. I hope you can find it."

"Okay, I'm not seeing it, let me search another system. I pull up google. I search Farar, Lebanese music. I get Farida, and a few titles, one of which has Iraqi (not Lebanese) in it. "Is it Farida?" I ask?

"Yes, that's it!" she says. "I have two titles, neither of which we have in the store, since we don't carry CD's, but both of them are available to order. Would you like me to order one or both of them for you?"

"No, thank you. I'll find them somewhere else."




**********************

Returning to the information desk, a woman was sitting on one of our stools in front of the counter. She had short, graying hair, a pastel peach t-shirt, and a cane.

"I'm looking for a book on genies," she said.

Trying to get more clarification, I asked, "Genies? Do you want a story about them? Or information about them? Is it for a child?"

"It's for me. I want to know the rules for using genies."

"Ah. Well, let's see what we can find." I search on the computer and find one book in the New Age section, The Encyclopedia of Spirits. I tell her about this one book, which has a section on genies, but the whole book isn't about genies. "I'm not seeing a book just on genies," I said.



"Genies are their own thing", she said. "Does that one have the RULES about genies?", she asked. "Like about getting three wishes and can you wish for more wishes? I need to know the rules," she said.

"Um, I'm not sure, we can go take a look. Here's the book." I left her looking at the book.